365 Days from Home

I had these big extravagant plans to do this whole little recap of my service thus far, with pictures and clips from previous blog posts, and journal entries and emails home...but to be honest I have been on the computer all day writing up emails and the piece is just not where I want it right now, so you have to wait. In the mean time, to celebrate my one year mark of leaving home, not to be confused with my one year mark from leaving the states (April 11th), my one year mark in Botswana (April 12th), or my one year mark left in service (June 12th...unless I extend and then June 12th 2015), I am going to do another one of those "cop out" posts where I re post something I have sent in an email. 

This was to another Bots 14 invitee who is still trying to figure out whether or not Peace Corps is right for them. I'm going to alter is a little so that it has more to do with this date in time, and I hope the person doesn't mind that I have shared this. 

"I totally understand the anxiety portion of things, this is a huge commitment and sacrifice and not something to be entered into lightly.

My experience so far has been pretty wonderful. I was originally a little sad about the fact that I didn't end up getting placed in the Middle East or Asia (I have an Asian Studies specialization with a concentration in the Middle East) but I think ultimately this is where I was supposed to be. I thought I was going to end up in a school, but wanted to be a clinic volunteer, so my placement went well for me. As a Life Skills you would be assigned to a school, and working with either primary school children (elementary/ middle school age) or secondary school children (middle/high school age) so you should really think about your inclinations on teaching. Though every volunteer has the ability to craft their own service (I do a lot of projects outside of the clinic), Life Skills tends to be a bit more structured, which is great for some people and not so much for others. 

By way of regrets, at this point in my service, I don't have many. There were a lot of things I did during the adjustment period of my first year that I might do differently the second time around but that has less to do with the country and the program and more to do with the process of adjusting to a new life in a different place. The bottom line comes down to advocating for yourself, and being okay to do what is right for you instead of giving yourself a ton of guilt over it. I know there are a lot of volunteers here who wish they had been more of an advocate for themselves when it came to their service. People who really wanted to serve in Francophone Africa, who took this because it seemed like "the next best thing" without thinking about whether or not they could be happy here. Some of them found that Bots is great to be in, and some of them are still a bit hung up on not being in the region they had hoped. Again, this is a question you have to ask yourself. 

When it comes to making the decision about whether or not you want to serve I would ask yourself a few questions: 1.) Does this job sound like it would be something you want to do? Peace Corps as a general idea has so much romanticized baggage to it that sometimes we forget that it is an actual job. I have wanted to serve since middle school, but I hadn't really taken a lot of time to think about what service actually MEANS. If you want to be a PCV but don't want to be a teacher, or work in an office, or do one of the other million things you might end up doing, than you might not be happy here. The other side to this though, is that you are going to have more control to change your job description than you ever did in the states and Peace Corps will back you up as long as you are doing something. The preschool needs a new roof and you really like fundraising? Awesome, do it. You want to start a support group for teenage moms in your community even though they aren't in school any more? Go for it. There is a lot of flexibility here. 

2.) Are you at the point in your life that you are willing to give up what needs to be given up and put life in the US on "pause" for two years? I know they ask you this a million times during the application process, but ask your self again, and also add "do I want to put my life on 'pause' for two years?" I have noticed a lot of volunteers who end up leaving early, do so because they had careers at home that they really loved and were fulfilled by and then they came here and it was a bit of a let down. It is entirely possible that Peace Corps will not be as awesome as the life you are living right now. I didn't have this issue because I came to PC right out of undergrad and the two jobs I was working right beforehand were more of a "temp" situation. I have SO much more to gain by staying here than by going home and when I have rough days, this thought alone helps me out a lot. I don't know where you might be at in life, but it is something to keep in mind. 

3.) How comfortable are you with the company you keep? (AKA, are you okay with being on your own a lot?) Some volunteers serve really close to others, and some are hours away, but either which way you end up spending a fair chunk of time on your own. This kind of ties into the last question you asked about what i have learned about myself and I have to say that most of those revelations came when I was alone in my house. You have SO much time to self reflect here and sometimes its a very "zen" moments and you have these nicely wrapped revelations about how you view the world and other people and yourself. But a lot of times is comes from a more difficult place because you are lonely, or frustrated, or tired, or missing comfort (of being in a familiar place, of being home, of friends and family), or some combination of all of these. The amazingly high emotional moments of Peace Corps are only matched by the incredible lows, and these can happen a few times a day. Part of being further into my service, and something I very much enjoy, is that you level out a bit, but there are still days like that and you still have to be able to cope. On this same note, I try to remember that even if the only person that I am changing for the better in all of this is me that, that still means I am changing the world for the better. 

4.) Can you let go of what service "should" be, and just let it be what it is? A lot of us had issues with the fact that we are in a relatively "developed" country and that the idea we had of living in a hut and cooking over a fire wasn't going to be the experience we had here. You will have a stove if you come to Bots, and chances are you will be within 30 minutes of internet if you don't actually just have it in your village or home (we have dongles that connect to phones lines that you pay for minutes on so you can get online.) Not every moment is a starving "feed the children" moment, and you are going to have to deal with people who make decisions for themselves, and others, that are just plan wrong or unhealthy (i.e. I work with some women that didn't take medication during their pregnancy, even though they knew they had HIV, and so now their kid has it. Their nonchalance about this at times has me wanting to hit something.) That being said, sometimes letting it be what it is, is SO much more rewarding than the romantic picture ever could have been. When you have your first conversation in Setswana, or you push through with your first project, or you really see the difference you are making. I had one of these moments yesterday when two of the women from my clinic, that are in the walking group I started, told me that they continued to walk on the days last week when I wasn't around. This is a big thing, since the last volunteer's aerobics group fell apart after she left, and I was worried I was starting a project that wasn't sustainable. Maybe I didn't save a life but one of these women has had a blood clot, and the exercise could really help...so maybe I did? The point is that you don't come to Peace Corps to save lives, you just come to change some. 

5.) Can you be okay with being uncomfortable? This past year has been the most life altering, but also the most uncomfortable, part of my life. Socially uncomfortable (Quotes from actual volunteer situations: "no ma'am I will not give you my sperm [so you can have an African American baby]"), emotionally uncomfortable ("I was going to ET ...*sniff*...and then a little kid gave me a hug...*sniff*...and now I can fix the world!!!!"), and physically uncomfortable ("Is that a boil?...on my butt?") But the discomfort is not the point, its learning to deal and knowing your boundaries. I do NOT, allow myself to be in situations where men degrade women any more; I say something, and then I walk away. I even went off on a dude in a bus a few weeks ago. Its not always about being polite, some of the best ambassadors to the United States of America were not polite when the time called for it, and you are going to have to find a way to deal. A large part of my "soft spoken" self has died here, and I'm okay with that. From discomfort can come the greatest of revelations; embrace it, own it, laugh at it when you need to, and ultimately, find a way around it. Be loud, be soft, be present, be scarce, just figure out what works for you and go with it. 

I know I have gone on a long time at this point, and I hope you don't mind, and that this isn't coming across as too preachy; I'm trying to give you the best information I can, that I think most volunteers are lacking when they decide to service. Peace Corps is incredibly hard and challenging and there are days when I question if this entire program is worthwhile at all...but this is not most days. Most days I look at the friends I have made and the projects I am involved with and the impact I am making on myself and others, and I am just floored by the whole experience. Today actually marks the one year anniversary of when I left Michigan to come to staging so your timing couldn't be better since I am in a reflective mood anyway. I'm also currently contemplating trying to apply for a third year of service if that is any indication of how worthwhile my time here has been (I am thinking about this as someone who is INCREDIBLY close to her entire family.) 

I think ultimately you have to be okay with whatever decision you are going to make, whether that be accepting the invitation, turning it down, or deciding not to serve at all. I hope this email has helped a little bit and I apologize for the length, I really love writing, and I really love talking about Peace Corps, so emails like this are just too tempting ;) If you have any more specific questions on what your job might entail I will try and be more brief and fill you in. I wish you a ton of luck in the next few days about whether or not you want to serve, and if you end up accepting I look forward to meeting you in a few months 

All the best, 

Claire"