Whats Going On

So even though this post and the last one are being posted on the same day, the last one was written a while back so i figured I would add a few quick updates as well as get into some of the emotional stuff that goes on with the whole PC process.

So I was able to get another doctor to take me in this Friday instead of having to wait until the 20th which should be really awesome since then I don't have to wait as long to figure out the results and go over them with my doctor. Fingers crossed everything is fine and dandy and I don't have to worry about anything other than waiting from this point out.

Emotional stuff: PC is crazy weird because on the one hand you have to go on living your day to day life and make sure you don't just check out, but on the other hand you are trying to make plans and figure things out for a time when you are not going to be around for two years. Its hard not to get completely wrapped up in this idea that you are leaving and you have to stop everything and just focus on a departure date (which at this point I don't even have.)

A nice example of this is my relationship with my boyfriend. So right now I am in love with a wonderful guy named Zack, and Zack has been really wonderful through this whole process considering what it means in the end if I get invited. But when push comes to shove Zack and I have decided that while I am gone in all likelihood there is going to be a bit of a "pause" in our relationship. I think this is the best plan for us when it comes to a two year separation.

This decision also puts us in a very odd place. On the one hand we love each other, and want to be together. On the other hand, within the foreseeable future, we are not going to be together. So where does that leave us? I can't stand thinking about it because I know that leaving is going to be very painful for both of us and the idea of hurting him hurts me too, but if I don't go and he becomes "the guy that held me back" our relationship won't last much longer anyway.

Here is what I have found to be the best way to deal with this kind of situation/ these thoughts that will undoubtedly happen when you are going through the PC process: let it go. Stop thinking about it, let be what will be. This may be easier said than done, but at some point you have to stop freaking about it and deal with things as they come. You don't get to have your world stop turning just because you decide to move away for two years. Your relationships don't end, you don't get a pass from school and you still have to show up to work.

And let me just say, thinking about it as you moving somewhere, makes the prospect a hella lot less daunting. People move to different places all the time, they do so every day and they do so for a heck lot longer than two years. Stop thinking of this as some giant undertaking that will go on forever and start thinking of it as a job that you are moving to for two years. This did me a lot of good because the idea of PC became a lot less foreign to me when thinking of it in these terms.

Alright, that is it for me for the night, I need to go do things now, hope this might be helpful!

~Claire